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Lets talk about hair, or in my case the lack of hair. I have alopecia, not alopecia areata, not alopecia totalis, but I am one of the fortunate few who have alopecia universalis, which means simply that I have no hair from my shoe soles to the tip of my head.

Several years ago, nineteen to be exact I found a quarter sized spot on the back of my head that had no hair and was very smooth. I had never heard of alopecia so I was not too concerned because I am an absolute walking earthquake and I could of ripped it out in a number of ways. I ignored it until several days later when three to four more bald patches showed up towards the crown of my head and one small spot in my personal area, so yea now I started getting concerned. I made a doctors appointment for the following week.

To make a long story short (this blog will not be short but lets get to the marrow quicker), Mr. I could give a shit if your scared Dr. Man explained that I had alopecia, our conversation went a little like this: ME: “What? what the hell is that?”.  AHOLE: “It is an autoimmune disease that makes your hair fall out”. ME: “Uh ok, so when will it come back?”. AHOLE: “Depends, But you are already showing signs on your pubic area and legs that this is not centralized to your scalp, in most cases people with alopecia universalis, with total hair loss all over their bodies have permanent loss for the duration of their lives”. ME: “your saying the rest of my hair is going to fall out?”. AHOLE: “Yes, most likely”. ME: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”.

So, my hair fell out. All of it, within a two week period.

I spent the next several months back and forth to the hospital dermatology unit trying every treatment available, rogain, UV light, and one actually called irritation therapy…you spread this crap all over your head and it burns like a mother effin flame thrower, put a scab on my entire head the thickness of a radial tire and did absolutely nothing.

I have alopecia universalis. My hair is not coming back. Nineteen years later my hair has not made an appearance, and this after all is a blessing. I am not saying that this has been an easy road to acceptance, it has not, but all in all it has made me a better person and a more accepting open minded individual. I wear wigs sometimes, not because I am ashamed but because the human race sucks boogery buttholes in hell…haha. No, i mostly wear wigs in public because I get really sick of people looking at me and I can see that whole “That poor girl is dying of cancer” look in their eyes. I can not stand pity, it drives me insane, so I wear wigs so I can get on with my damn day without wanting to punch someone in the ear, besides wigs are fun and my husband gets to be with a different woman every night!

I do get sick of shampoo and salon commercials, I roll my eyes at my television more then I can tell you, blea blea blea a woman’s beauty is wrapped up in the dead follicles hanging  off her noggin…pftttt whatever. My beauty is wrapped up in who I am and this my friends is the greatest gift I have ever received.Image