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One of my biggest insecurities is that I am not smart enough. I wrote in a blog a couple days ago that I don’t have to be smarter than anyone, and this is true, however I’ve always carried some shame because of my lack of education. Another blog focused on my decision to not be a dumbass, by reading and continued learning regardless of my education. It is important to realize that overcompensating for this perceived flaw isn’t healthy.

This seems to be a recurring theme. I am clearly being too hard on myself. In trying to analyze where this comes from, a few things stand out. I had a partner at one time that found great joy in using uneducated as a cruel term to control me.  “He’s right, I’m stupid, he goes to college, blea blea blea”.  Another incident involving a high school guidance counselor telling me to drop out because I was clearly not smart enough to even pass my remedial math class. The fact that these people still hurt me pisses me off to no end. I’m letting go.

It’s true. Because of my choices and several things beyond my control I left school at a young age. I am not educated in a traditional sense, however, this doesn’t mean I am stupid, it doesn’t measure mine or anyone else’s intelligence.

I have been beyond fortunate to be surrounded by extremely intelligent people who teach me more than my brain can sometimes handle. I like to have friends and acquaintances that are far more intelligent than me, how else would I learn, and what would it say about me if I only choose people of lesser intellect as friends? I’m certain that people who do this do so because feeling superior is one of their values. Just a hypothesis, plus people are smart in their own ways. The ex I spoke of earlier was brilliantly book smart, there was never anything he didn’t know about, but he lacked warmth. He had no clue how to treat people. Emotional intelligence is of value.

There will always be people who pump themselves up by belittling others. There will always be people who think they’re so smart that  they’ve lost the ability to listen and learn from people they deem beneath their intelligence level, I pray I am never this person. There will be others who are smarter, better educated, and have a higher IQ than you. The trick is focusing on the specific gifts you have to offer. 

I don’t need to be a braniac, I just need to be me. It’s important to realize that the people who care for me do so because they like me how I am. I am thankful that so many people are willing to continue my education by simply taking the time to let me learn and talk to me about such a variety of subjects. I am grateful for my smarty pants friends.

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