The world feels toxic to me right now. I have always been somewhat of an empath, I think this may be a contributor to my social anxiety. I read people well, I see their faces, I feel their discontent. It is so much less painful to be disconnected.
The political climate isn’t helpful right now. I truly believe that social separation, different political parties, and pitting people against each other is the number one goal of government. If society was a United front against our system our system would change.
Watching Everyone bicker and argue really gets to me. I am disappointed in humanity right now.
It isn’t only politics that pain me, but judgement. People just aren’t nice. We tear each other apart over appearance, beliefs, religion, lack of religion, life choices, causes, beliefs, values, strengths, weaknesses, what generation we came from, and ten thousand other things. It is painful to watch.
I’m not sure if this is a new thing or not but now being vulnerable is supposedly the worst thing ever. Everyone is a “snowflake” a “whiner”, one generation says the other wants everything given to them, the other are the ones who fucked everything up. If you’re liberal you lack morals, if you’re conservative you are repressed. I am both.
I’m finding it nearly impossible to associate with society in general. It is a lonely feeling.
One thing is certain, humans are cruel to one another. It seems to me that everyone’s need to be right has become more valuable than happiness, peace, togetherness. Maybe I’m just a 60s holdover. I see the powers that be winning, and regular people losing over an inability to find common ground. I may be foolish in thinking that humans had this ability in the first place.
I love living, I have a blessed life, however I understand to some extent why some people choose to opt out of this carnival. I in no way encourage this, I know that tomorrow is always brighter, understanding the inclination is a far cry from wanting to give up.
I am trying to focus on menial tasks, getting my home in order, avoiding news outlets, television, and unfollowing toxic hate filled people. How do I know these people? What makes them so miserable?
I’m also working on checking myself when I become angry, when I catch myself making judgements about others based on my own ego. Ego is poison. It’s a work in progress not perfection. It’s so important to me to be kind and accepting, something I think may simply not be natural for our species. When I look at our history of violence I am convinced this is true.
I’m having a down week. I am too sensitive. Feeling things deeply isn’t a liability, it’s my strength. I think I’ll feel better when I embrace this fact.
Tomorrow will be brighter.