I miss Ireland. Because I’d never traveled before I am trying so hard not to romanticize my time away, this is proving difficult.
Beautiful architecture, history, perfect temperatures, food without chemicals, friendly people, art, culture, no billboards, castles, good beer, slower pace… seriously what’s to romanticize? Ha.
I am having such trouble adjusting to being home. My routine is all screwed up, I’m finding no joy in my regular habits, I’m eating garbage when I promised myself I wouldn’t. What the hell is wrong with me? Is it normal to go through a depression after traveling?
I feel misplaced. I think I always have. Utah and I don’t fit. I’m a square peg, with no shape that exists hole. In spite of staying at hostles and hotels, Ireland felt like home.
Here is something strange I realized, I have hung art on my walls in my house, but even after 20 years I’ve yet to hang photos of my kids. It’s as if I never feel a kind of settling in, I have a continuous sense of impermanence. I keep telling myself that when I get in my forever house I’ll hang photos. 20 years. 20 damn years. Sounds fairly permanent.
I moved a lot as a little kid, but I was in the same house from the time I was 8 until I left home at 17. Why I am so unsettled is a mystery.
I miss Ireland. I am so conflicted. I can’t move. We have a successful business, my kids are here, my grandson is here. I am scared to take that risk. What would we do for work? How would we survive? The predictability of our regular paycheck is too comfortable.
One thought would be to buy a little vacation spot somewhere else and spend time there regularly. Maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a Gypsy if I could escape occasionally. We are broke. There has to be a way.
I would be interested in hearing if others have these feeling. I wonder if depression is normal after such adventures.
Did I mention I miss Ireland?