I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been living. I am lost. Sometimes that happens I hear. I am trying to figure out exactly what I want my life to look like.
On paper it all looks good, and I’m not stupid enough to be ungrateful, however, I am definitely not living according to what is valuable lately.
I am incapable or unwilling to motivate myself , I feel worn out, used up, I’m sure that menopause and the fact that I can’t leave my house lately isn’t helpful.
What is important to me?
Being a good friend. I haven’t been lately.
Eating healthy. Nope..not doing that either.
Being a participant in my children’s lives. I’m isolating instead.
Being active. Not even close.
I’m not sure how I’ve gotten here, it’s been a gradual slide. Am I depressed? Maybe.
I’ve been taking care of others so long that I feel little is left for myself. Add to the fact that this has been a particularly rough month health wise, the stores are depleted.
So how do I get back on track?
I need to set more boundaries for people who feel that my kindness is worth taking advantage of.
I need to eat in the way my body deserves.
I need to apologise to friends for not being present, and work on nourishing those friendships.
I need to get my body moving again. Period.
I’m not completely inept, I know no one can change things but me…
The thought of how busy the holidays are just makes me want to crawl in a hole.
I am ok. I’m not suicidal or anything, just trying to figure it all out.
Writing feels good, maybe this is a good place to start.