I’ve been slacking so badly in my writing. It’s been a crazy little few months, my art has been accepted for a couple shows this year and I’m swamped.
I wanted to wait to write until I was in a positive mind frame, but it’s been few and far between of late.
I’m in a shitty space. Positive things are happening but I’m feeling a bit electric and raw over the state of my country, political bullshit is eating my lunch. I can’t recall a time that I felt so sad about people, about life, about humanity in general.
I’m living in a time where I am set to defend the fact that I’m sensitive, why do people think being liberal, open minded and compassionate warrant an apology. Why on Earth would I ever be cold, interested in controlling others, inserting my idea of morality onto others. Why are humans so egotistical?
I feel like we’re just doomed. Humans are so cruel to one another.
The fact that humans will do almost anything to feel superior to others is very discouraging. Religion and political leanings are great examples. The racism that I naively believed had made so much progress was a big fat lie I told myself, it’s worse than ever..I suppose it’s good in some respects that this has been revealed, it’s easy for a middle class white girl to wear blinders, I will do better. I will be a better person, I will not live in the dark any longer. Racism is ego taken to a sickening level. I don’t believe in God, but if I did I would never be able to try to spew out the two narratives I’ve been hearing.. “we are all God’s children, except I’m better than you..”. It’s gross. People are gross.
I am in a constant state of fight or flight. Where do I think I can go where people are kind, people are humble, religion, politics, and racism don’t exist? A cabin in the middle of nowhear Switzerland? Can I just shut it all off, toss my TV, my phone, never read a newspaper… I feel so helpless. I write and write to people who I think can make a difference, and it makes no difference.
Everything is man made bullshit to render control over others. Religion, politics, borders, morality, all made up to render oneself superior.
What a fucking circus. What a shit show.