I had my 48th birthday while in Ireland, and like most birthdays, no fireworks went off, a matching band didn’t parade through the restaurant, I’m just older now. One thing that did run through my mind though is how much time in itself perplexes me.
When my grandmother was dying in the hospital, it was clearly a stressful time, she could see it on my face and asked me what was the matter. I replied ” this is a lot, it’s painful, and sometimes I stand in the middle of my house looking around at all these half grow children, my giant mortgage payment, a stack of bills, a face I don’t recognize in the mirror and think, what the hell happened I’m only 17″. She laughed and said ” well, sweetheart I’m only 19..it’s time and our bodies that forsake us, we’re all young in our hearts and minds”. I’m so glad this was our last conversation. I am in fact the same person I was at seventeen, at least my spirit is…my brain knows too much to be young.
So, I’m 48 and eventually my body will forsake me. Something will take me out, what I have is the time between now and then..a week? Years? Maybe they’ll come up with a fountain of youth before my time comes, unless of course I get run down by a truck, in that case Regina you get my books, and the trunk full of high school notes.
As I’m pulling weeds in my yard and intermittently writing, I’m thinking how much time do I want to spend of what I have left pulling weeds, or writing, or doing laundry, or going to the gym, or on my stupid phone…what do I value? I can’t possibly make every second count.
What I can do is not spend time with people who waste my time, I’ve figured out that stealing from me, money..objects..etc is bad but it’s only the lowest of the low who steal time, it’s really the only thing that is not replaceable besides of course my family.
So, I’m going to work on it. I am going to eat healthy enough to live a bit longer, I am going to the gym 2 days a week, and be outdoors to exercise, doing things I enjoy.. walking, hiking, camping, being with family. I am going to pay someone else to pull these damn weeds. I am going to paint what I enjoy painting, I am going to say yes to getting out with other humans, while learning to say no to things I don’t want to do.. like, oh I don’t know, taking care of other grown ass adults who are perfectly capable of doing it themselves (a little problem in my life).
I am also going to travel more, I know I can’t afford to fly across the ocean constantly, but I can make shorter trips with the people I love for minimal cost. Camping is my favorite, and I’ve blown it off for too long. Next stop Bo Huff car show in Helper Utah. Good friends, sweet cars, great food, camping!
Like I’ve said before, too many people live as if this is a dress rehearsal. Not me. Not any more. I won’t win in the time war, but I’m going to enjoy the battle.